Nowadays there are so many things telling us what to eat and what not to eat. There are so many crazy crash diets that are out there such as the 'keto diet' or 'intermittent fasting' etc. Since school I've tried a million and one of these diets and it always ends up providing short term satisfaction and end up starving my body of the important nutrients. With losing weight most people turn to the idea of cutting out those important foods and vitamins that is needed for the human body to function on a day to day basis. It can become extremely obsessive and can make people very poorly and unwell. My own personal experience with this has been very unpleasant and developed a very unhealthy relationship with both food and my body. When you begin to obsess over the way your body looks 24/7 and the food you're putting inside of it, you begin to lose sight of all reality of your own physical and mental wellbeing. For me, I had my own phycological rulebook in my head about what I labelled as 'bad' foods and at what times I could eat. 'No carbs after 12pm' 'No eating past 5pm' These were just a few out of the long list of rules and crazy eating habits that I had created in order to stay 'thin'. I began to avoid social situations that involved eating out or home cooked family meals. In the end things went from bad to worse and it then became a regular occurrence that I was face to face with the toilet with my fingers down my throat. Like many people with eating disorders its only a matter of time before the people around you start to notice that you aren't acting your usual self due to the changes in mood/ changes in appearance. It wasn't long before I was seen by the specialists, assessed and diagnosed with body dysmorphia. 'a mental disorder characterized by a perceived defect in one's physical appearance or in a part of the body.'
It really is true when people say 'Food effects your mood' and that's something I've learnt the hard way. When you deprive yourself of foods I was so blissfully unaware of the dark and horrible place I was in during this period of time feeding myself next to nothing and now looking back seems like such an out of body experience. I want to share 7 main points I have learnt throughout this journey and to potentially help others who may have shared the same struggle.
1. Do not wait until you're ready to seek help. Many people wait around for a long time before they decide to seek help, me included. I was very absent minded to the fact I needed input from Evolve (Hull eating disorder service) (Telephone Number - 01482 344083) and delayed it for as long as I could. The sooner you seek help, the sooner you can be on the road to recovery.
2. Even if you ate a lot yesterday, you still need to eat today. Your body needs food everyday in order to function properly. I was drained and exhausted everyday as I was starving myself of foods and nutrients that are needed for the human body to run day to day. Another thing to remember is that eating a lot does not make you a bad person and is not a personal failure, you have to listen to your body.
3. Its normal to relapse in recovery. I am not saying I am all of a sudden completely cured or that everything has just all of a sudden fell into place because I aren't and it hasn't. I still have my wobbles here and there and I’ve just accepted that its normal to have a wobble every now again but ensure that I pick myself back up afterwards and remind myself how far I have come already even if it is small baby steps
4. Be your biggest fan – even just a slight act of self-love goes a long way. You don’t have to be the greatest person ever but having even a small ounce of belief in yourself can make the biggest difference. Now every time I think about how much I hate my body it is very important to remember just how amazing the human body is and just how much it does for me. I have legs that work that I can go walking and running whenever I want. I have a strong and healthy heart that works. Lungs that enable me to breathe everyday. A stomach that will someday in the future carry a baby in. In the midst of all the negative thoughts these points are easily forgotten and taken advantage of.
5. Future. When I picture my older self the last thing I want to imagine myself feeling is regret. Regret that I didn’t sit and get a dominoes pizza with my friends at a girls night or that I never got a pudding when everyone else did when out for food. I do not want to be sat at 60 years of age thinking about the time when I singled myself out and stopped myself from enjoying some good food in an enviroment where everyone else is fullfilling their enjoyment of food. I don't want to look back at my teens/ 20s and have spent all my time engaging in time consuming behaviours like looking in the mirror at my weight 20 times a day.
6. Speak to your nearest and dearest. I thank my lucky stars for the people I have around me right now. If it wasnt for them I wouldn't be here today. I have gained such wonderful friends recently who I couldnt feel more myself around and have been my backbone throughout the process. People who wouldn't dream of judging me and would love me no matter what I look like.
7. Yoga. Yoga is something I have more recently started taking part in over the last couple of months. I have tried it out a few times here and there but never took a moment to deeply appreciate the movements and mental effect it has on yourself as an individual. I love yoga and it has allowed me to view my body from a complete different perspective. It not only makes you feel physically strong but it also allows your to feel mentally strong.
Just to summarise, there are many more points that I could discuss but at the end of the day you have to find out what works for you. What enables you to feel good about your body and what is going to allow you to be able to shift your mindset from all the hate and loathing. Fill yourself with food that is going to make you feel good, surround yourself with people that will support you at the hardest of times and most importantly love yourself even when you don't feel it.
It really is true when people say 'Food effects your mood' and that's something I've learnt the hard way. When you deprive yourself of foods I was so blissfully unaware of the dark and horrible place I was in during this period of time feeding myself next to nothing and now looking back seems like such an out of body experience. I want to share 7 main points I have learnt throughout this journey and to potentially help others who may have shared the same struggle.
1. Do not wait until you're ready to seek help. Many people wait around for a long time before they decide to seek help, me included. I was very absent minded to the fact I needed input from Evolve (Hull eating disorder service) (Telephone Number - 01482 344083) and delayed it for as long as I could. The sooner you seek help, the sooner you can be on the road to recovery.
2. Even if you ate a lot yesterday, you still need to eat today. Your body needs food everyday in order to function properly. I was drained and exhausted everyday as I was starving myself of foods and nutrients that are needed for the human body to run day to day. Another thing to remember is that eating a lot does not make you a bad person and is not a personal failure, you have to listen to your body.
3. Its normal to relapse in recovery. I am not saying I am all of a sudden completely cured or that everything has just all of a sudden fell into place because I aren't and it hasn't. I still have my wobbles here and there and I’ve just accepted that its normal to have a wobble every now again but ensure that I pick myself back up afterwards and remind myself how far I have come already even if it is small baby steps
4. Be your biggest fan – even just a slight act of self-love goes a long way. You don’t have to be the greatest person ever but having even a small ounce of belief in yourself can make the biggest difference. Now every time I think about how much I hate my body it is very important to remember just how amazing the human body is and just how much it does for me. I have legs that work that I can go walking and running whenever I want. I have a strong and healthy heart that works. Lungs that enable me to breathe everyday. A stomach that will someday in the future carry a baby in. In the midst of all the negative thoughts these points are easily forgotten and taken advantage of.
5. Future. When I picture my older self the last thing I want to imagine myself feeling is regret. Regret that I didn’t sit and get a dominoes pizza with my friends at a girls night or that I never got a pudding when everyone else did when out for food. I do not want to be sat at 60 years of age thinking about the time when I singled myself out and stopped myself from enjoying some good food in an enviroment where everyone else is fullfilling their enjoyment of food. I don't want to look back at my teens/ 20s and have spent all my time engaging in time consuming behaviours like looking in the mirror at my weight 20 times a day.
6. Speak to your nearest and dearest. I thank my lucky stars for the people I have around me right now. If it wasnt for them I wouldn't be here today. I have gained such wonderful friends recently who I couldnt feel more myself around and have been my backbone throughout the process. People who wouldn't dream of judging me and would love me no matter what I look like.
7. Yoga. Yoga is something I have more recently started taking part in over the last couple of months. I have tried it out a few times here and there but never took a moment to deeply appreciate the movements and mental effect it has on yourself as an individual. I love yoga and it has allowed me to view my body from a complete different perspective. It not only makes you feel physically strong but it also allows your to feel mentally strong.
Just to summarise, there are many more points that I could discuss but at the end of the day you have to find out what works for you. What enables you to feel good about your body and what is going to allow you to be able to shift your mindset from all the hate and loathing. Fill yourself with food that is going to make you feel good, surround yourself with people that will support you at the hardest of times and most importantly love yourself even when you don't feel it.
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